Even if my eyes become the soles of your feet
This fear will not leave you
For even though I cannot see
I can still feel bodies and sentences like a fragrance
This fear will not leave you
Even if I rub my nose in the dirt ëtil it bleed
This fear will not leave you
For even though I cannot smell I can still speak
This fear will not leave you
Even if my voice in praising you becomes weak
This fear will not leave you
For even though I cannot speak I can still walk
This fear will not leave you
Even after you have paralyzed me, tied the chains of domesticity,
Shame and modesty around my feet
This fear will not leave you
For while I can see
This fear will not leave you
While I can feel
This fear will not leave you
While I can speak
This fear will not leave you
While I can walk
This fear will not leave you
While I can think
This fear will not leave you
While I am free
This fear will not leave you
The Third Daughter
I was the third daughter
In a culture that worships the first son
So I tried to reason
Look, I said, it’s not really fair to treat me differently
Just because I’m a girl
I even tried to give an example from the Koran
And said Look at how Mohamed (peace be upon him)
Treated women as equals,
Read what it says, just here, look
But it was no good
I was still the third daughter …
So I shouted, and beat my fists
I wailed, and complained,
I stamped on the floor
Even threw a few plates
(Which later of course I had to clean up)
It was still no good
I was still the third daughter …
So I tried to be quiet and good
Listened, looked after, visited and telephoned often
And did my best to bury any feelings
In my cooking and sewing
(My curries became delightful at this time)
I made babies, and kept house
Dressed modestly, looked down a lot
Never answered back
And watched, hopeful
But it was no good
I was still the third daughter …
So I became ill
Raging panic attacks, palpitations
I could see nothing, say nothing, feel too much
Sank down to hell
My mouth tasted bitter
My skin was all open sores
But it was no good
I was still the third daughter …
So
I left
Embraced the new culture warmly
And with feeling,
Gratitude even.
I thought, here at last I can be me,
Where it doesn’t matter what I have, or haven’t
Between my legs.
Where I will be seen for what I am
Really what I am.
I can be free!
Free to be me!
So I cut my hair short
Put on my trousers
Went out to work
Learned to name my feelings
And even show a few
I could live how I wanted
Be who I wanted to be
The whole world was mine
Now that I was free
But
But
But it was still no good
I was a daughter
Still in a culture that worships the son
(It just doesn’t admit it quite so openly)
Still in a culture so afraid of difference
It seeks to destroy all it doesn't understand
Still in a culture so afraid of change
It tries to hold back the tide
There is talk, there is action,
There is change, there is Re-action
Each step that is won, is fought over again and again
No-woman’s land
The casualty list goes on
Does anything really change?
Is anything really different?
Now
I am a daughter
Of my rage
I am a daughter
Of my love
I am a daughter
Of my self
And have as much right as anyone
To the bounty of the world
Now
I hold my own hands
From the inside
Now
The flowering of acceptance
The fire of the challenge
The vision of freedom
credits
from Jaago - Wake Up,
released October 30, 2004
Anticlockwise is based on an original Urdu poem 'Hijarat' by Kishwar Naheed, translated into English by Rukhsana Ahmed, and published By The Womens Press 1991 in the anthology of Pakistani women's poetry 'We Sinful Women'
Rewritten words, music, vocals, arrangement, performance: Samia Malik.
The Third Daughter is written, composed and performed by Samia Malik, with Sianed Jones on bass guitar and Sukhdeep Singh on tabla
Samia writes and performs songs based on traditional Urdu Ghazal (a highly refined union of poetry with music) extending and
subverting the form to explore contemporary issues around identity, race and gender. She has collaborated with acclaimed artists including Baluji Shrivastav OBE, Mallika Sarabhai, Guiliano Modarelli, Seemab Gul, Al MacSween, Sukhdeep Dhanjal, Sianed Jones and Cris Cheek....more
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